


Empty

by omnisan



Series: In Which Matilda Vaanderhuut Is A Badass [18]
Category: Grand Theft Auto V
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Blood, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, I did my best to research but sometimes I bend the rules, Loss, Love, Miscarriage, The timing is ironic, omnisan's choice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 17:51:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18856033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omnisan/pseuds/omnisan
Summary: Mati never wanted children. Sometimes things go wrong, and then sometimes those things go wrong.





	Empty

**Author's Note:**

> I'm making an additional note here to mention that this might be hard for some people to read. Back out if it gets uncomfortable.

Mati woke up in a sweat, not from the afternoon humidity like usual, but from a nightmare. The thought or sight of blood didn't normally scare her, but she dreamed she was drowning in blood, blood as thick as molasses and so deep red it was nearly black. Her every attempt to escape and stay above the liquid only brought her further down into the darkness, just like quicksand. 

For once, she took the moment to breathe deep, really inhale and be thankful for not actually drowning. 

Instead, Mati faced another problem. As soon as she swung her legs off the side of the bed and pulled the sheets away, the sight of blood assaulted her once again. Gulping and feeling weak, Mati couldn't do anything but stare at the dark mess on the bed before hesitantly looking down at her legs where blood covered her thighs. The only thing running through her mind was the voice in her head asking what the fuck happened?

Before she would allow more fear to nestle inside her brain, Mati jumped off the bed and ripped all the soiled bed sheets off and replaced them with clean ones, as well as her clothes. She ran a quick search on her phone simultaneously, which only told her that she was probably dying and thus making her panic slightly more than before. 

Trevor was nowhere to be found, thankfully she thought. Mati wasn't sure if she would've been able to tell him what had happened in that moment. Instead, she grabbed her keys and found herself speeding on the highway on her way back into LS. There was no way she'd trust any of the doctors in the desert to provide the medical attention she needed. 

 

“I need to see Dr. Nguyen immediately.” Mati said in a low voice to the receptionist.

The woman blinked away from her computer screen for a moment. “Do you have an appointment, miss?” 

“No, this is an emergency.” 

“I'm sorry, but unless you have an appointment with Dr. Nguyen, your chances of seeing her today are slim.” 

Mati slammed a fist on the counter, catching glances from the people sitting quietly nearby. She hardly cared.

“Listen. Something is wrong with me. I need to see the doctor. I'm not asking anymore, I'm telling you.” 

Matilda's eyes were full of fire and needles, and her words were full of rage and a desperate need unlike ever before. Perhaps the receptionist sensed something different, something unusual about Mati's behavior, and decided to call for the doctor and arrange a meeting as soon as possible. But that meant Mati had to wait until then. 

Smooth jazz that annoyed the hell out of Mati played over a speaker in the middle of the room. She wanted to get up and pace and smoke to calm her nerves, but there was no need. A nurse called Mati's name and she nearly ran over to follow her down the hallway to a more private room. 

“Dr. Nguyen will be with you shortly.”

More waiting. At least Mati had a small window to peer out of so she could focus her mind elsewhere, or at least try to. 

Two knocks on the door signaled the doctor's entry to the room. “Miss Vaanderhuut, hello. Why don't you take a seat?”

“I prefer to stand for now if that's okay.” 

“Not a problem. I heard you have some sort of emergency?” 

Mati took a deep breath, for once trying to hold back tears. “I don't know what's happening to me doc. I woke up from a nightmare of me drowning in blood to actually be surrounded by blood.” 

“Have you experienced this before?” 

“No.” 

The doctor wrote some notes on a clipboard.

“Have you been sexually active recently?” 

“Not last night. Or the night before. But yeah, normally quite often.” 

“Do you take birth control? Or use other contraceptives?”

“I have the arm implant still.” 

“Are your periods usually heavy?”

“Hardly. I haven't had a heavy period since I was in my teens, before I started using any birth control.”

The doctor hummed as she continued to write some notes. “Alright. Before I try to make any assumptions, why don't we take a deeper look at this? I'm going to need you to change into this gown and get situated in the chair and I'll give you an exam.” 

The doctor left the room for a moment to allow for privacy and to check on another patient in the meantime, though privacy hardly mattered since Mati's most private areas would be looked at. Mati inhaled and let out a shaky breath before she shed her clothes and got into position. She wondered what the hell was wrong with her. 

It seemed to take forever until those two knocks came again and Dr. Nguyen situated herself on a chair between Mati's legs. It was just a normal, physical exam, Mati told herself. Until the doctor stood up and wheeled over a machine next to Mati.  
Mati looked with questioning eyes for an answer, and learned the machine was used to take ultrasounds. Immediately, the thought of pregnancy flashed through Matilda's mind but she waved it away, knowing damn well they could detect more than babies. But still, her worry mixed with confusion. If not something to do with pregnancy, why had Dr. Nguyen asked her so many questions relating to it? Mati didn't want a child. There was no way she or Trevor would ever be able to take care of a child and be good parents. 

A single tear slid down Mati's cheek, but was far from going unnoticed by the doctor. 

“Matilda, don't cry. Everything will be alright.” She reassured.

“I don't even know what's going on with me.” 

“I'm going to use this and take a look. We'll have answers in a moment. But, this may be uncomfortable.” 

Instead of a regular device Mati had in mind, the doctor held a wand-like device that was connected the to machine. As the doctor said, the insertion of the device was uncomfortable, but Mati had to deal with it if she wanted answers. The doctor hummed to herself again as she looked at the monitor before removing the wand and turning it off. Mati was allowed to relax for a moment.

“You mentioned you have the arm implant. When did you have that done?” 

“Maybe three or four years? I can't really remember.” 

“I see. Well, what I've found out is that your implant may have expired since they usually only last three years. From all the evidence, you suffered a miscarriage earlier. Usually they don't happen this early into pregnancy, but not everyone fits into the same category. There's not much left, but you'll still be experiencing some bleeding for a while. We can get you a new implant if that's what you prefer.” 

Mati was in shock but somehow muttered a quiet please. Her doctor would be able to perform removal of the old IUD and insertion of the new very easily. She left the room to obtain the new implant, and probably check on more patients, which gave Mati more time to have questions run through her head. 

How was she even pregnant in the first place? She hardly had any typical signs of pregnancy. She was told the implant was good for five years and that she wouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant. Maybe birth control wasn't a failsafe method, but…

The doctor came back in and discussed more options with Mati before giving her a new implant. Mati figured if there was still tissue that needed to be discarded from her body, she'd let it happen on it's own. She already went through some of it earlier that day, it couldn't get much worse. Right?

 

After the implant was said and done and Mati received additional information about miscarrying, she felt oddly numb to the world. The drive back to Sandy Shores seemed as if she fast travelled from the city to the desert in astounding time. Stepping through the doorway, Mati was assaulted by the sound of Impotent Rage blasting on the television and the smell of pizza and breadsticks. 

“You're back.” Trevor pointed out from the couch. “I texted you.” 

Mati disregarded his statement and went to the bathroom quietly, shutting the door behind her. She hardly thought about even looking at her phone while in the city and figured her lack of response probably had Trevor concerned. He always knew what she was up to, generally speaking. Today, Trevor had no idea what had happened and what Mati found out. She wasn't sure what she would even say to him, if anything. Taking a seat on the toilet, she changed the lightly spotted menstrual pad out for a new one in hopes of not waking up to more blood again. She left the bathroom and went to the bedroom, again choosing not to say a word to Trevor, or even change into more comfortable clothes. She just laid on the bed. 

“Babe,” Trevor stood in the doorway. “You alright?” 

She didn't move at the sound of his voice. She wasn't sure what would happen if she looked into his eyes. 

“Mhm.” 

She should've stayed silent. 

In this moment, Trevor knew there was more than Mati was letting on and his entire demeanor changed. 

“Mati what happened.” 

“I don't wanna talk about it.” 

“Did someone hurt you?” 

She shook her head. She felt his hand touch her shoulder and the slight warmth made her relax with a sigh. 

“Mati talk to me.” 

Mati knew Trevor wouldn't stop bothering her until he got answers, but she wasn't ready to speak yet. She took his hand and pulled him closer, a motion he understood to mean she just wanted him to lay with her in silence. His left arm draped over her torso as he kissed her shoulder and she weaved her fingers between his. The television mumbled in the background and the single lamp in the bedroom casted a warm glow. Under normal circumstances this would be pleasantly comfortable. Not now. 

Mati pondered how to bring up, well, everything. With her hand still oddly in Trevor's, she moved his hand to rest on her stomach. This was it.

“I was pregnant.” 

Trevor brought his head up from the pillow to try and see her face, “What?” 

“And this morning I miscarried.” 

Trevor repeated himself, even more confused, “What?” 

Mati didn't say any more. 

“Mati, what?” Trevor asked, sitting up and turning Mati's body to finally face him. 

Her eyes were glazed and distant but she followed him. “I didn't know. My implant expired and I didn't experience any normal symptoms and there was a lot of blood this morning…” 

“Fuck.” Trevor nearly whispered. “Are you…okay?” 

Not the right thing to ask, but Mati knew what he was trying to get at. She just closed her eyes and nestled into his chest so he would hug her. They were both silent now as questions ran through Trevor's head and Mati wondered what he was thinking. 

“Did you…want a baby?” Trevor finally asked after a long moment of silence. 

This was something the two of them never discussed seriously before. 

“No.” Mati paused. “Do you?” 

It was Trevor's turn to be silent. 

“No.” 

They both had their reasons but didn't get into them at that moment. Perhaps it was better that way. 

“I got a new implant today, too, after…after I found out.” 

“Why didn't you tell me any of this sooner?” 

Mati exhaled with a sigh. “I didn't know what was happening to me. I just wanted answers. I went to see my doctor right away and I didn't even think about looking at my phone and—” 

Trevor interrupted her, “Hey, I get it.” 

“No you don't.”

Mati wasn't mad, it was just the truth. If she could barely put into words what she was thinking and feeling, how would Trevor be able to understand anything about it? 

“I'm not sad because I lost an unborn child. I'm just a little freaked out that I was even carrying a child in the first place. I don't want to be a mother because of some doctor's mistake to incorrectly inform me how long my implant was supposed to last. None of this should've happened.” 

Trevor was now putting pieces together as Mati revealed more on the personal issue. 

“I'm sorry baby. I'm here now.” 

That's all Mati needed. He reassured her with a hug until she let go to lay down again. Trevor's eyes pierced hers until she squeezed her eyes tight and grabbed onto his hand. 

“What's wrong?” 

When the pain passed, Mati exhaled with relief. “The doctor said there was still…remnants inside that would come out over the next few days.” 

“Do you need anything?”

Mati shook her head. “Will you stay here with me?” 

It was already getting late, so Trevor wanted to turn the television off and use the bathroom before he allowed himself to get too comfortable in bed. He helped Mati get changed out of her clothes and into one of his tee shirts to sleep in before taking his place next to her. Absentmindedly or not, Trevor rubbed Mati's stomach with the most gentle, caring touch that made her feel a wave of emotions. 

“If anything were to happen, I would take care of you. You and a baby if I had to. No matter what.”

A silent tear slid down Mati's face. Her fingers found their way in between Trevor's where he gave her hand a squeeze. It was a reminder that he was there for her, and they were in this together. Just like he said, no matter what.


End file.
